THE POLITICAL ANIMAL

Disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was not around on Dec. 7, 1941, but that doesn’t matter, for he now has his own “day of infamy.” 

According to Celeste Katz, a political correspondent for the New York Daily News, Blagojevich made the papers again yesterday when he “compared his arrest on corruption charges with the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.”

“Dec. 9 to my family, to us, to me, is what Pearl Harbor Day was to the United States,” Blagojevich told The Associated Press. “It was a complete surprise, completely unexpected. And just like the United States prevailed in that, we’ll prevail in this.”

The governor, who is being accused of, among other things, attempting to sell President Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder, continues to claim his innocence.

Blagojevich ended up appointing former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to the vacant seat. Burris was sworn in on Jan. 15 after a heated battle with Senate Democrats who claimed Blagojevich no longer had the right to make an appointment and vowed that anyone chosen by the governor would not be seated.

Blagojevich says he will “boycott” his impeachment hearing, which is scheduled to be held in the Illinois Senate next week.

“The governor also speculated that the legislature is trying to railroad him out of office so members can carry out a fiendish plan to jack up Illinois taxes,” Katz reports.

“The reason they’re doing this is because they can’t wait to get rid of me so they can raise taxes on the people of Illinois. This is as much about a tax increase as it is about anything else,” Blagojevich said.

Chicago Mayor Richard Daley has responded by saying he believes the governor is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

In related news, Pearl Harbor director Michael Bay has announced plans to make another crappy ten-hour movie, this one about Blagojevich’s day of infamy. Hollywood star Ben Affleck has signed on to play the embattled governor and says he will go three years without a haircut in order to grow an authentic “Blago-do.” The governor’s wife, Patricia Blagojevich, will be played by actress Demi Moore, who says she won’t need to do any real acting in order to capture the First Lady’s renowned bitchiness. Tax evader Wesley Snipes has agreed to portray Roland Burris. The role of U.S. Attorney General Patrick Fitzgerald will go to five-time Razzie Award nominee Rob Schneider, and 96-year-old actor Karl Malden will play Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

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