Apr 05 2009
What Do We Do With Kim Jong-Ill? This Animal Has the Solution!
The New York Times reports North Korea fired a Eunha-2 rocket earlier today in a brash show of defiance to the U.N. and the U.S.
According to KCNA, the official news agency of the rogue nation, the Eunha-2 (Don’t ask me to pronounce that!) successfully put a satellite into orbit only minutes after the lunch, but South Korean defense minister Lee Sang-hee says the rocket “appears to have failed to put a satellite into orbit.” Apparently the payload of the Eunha-2 is sleeping with the fishes right now in the deep watery depths of the Pacific Ocean.
In any case, the international community is viewing the launch as part of a larger effort by North Korean dictator Kim Jong-ill (No, that’s not a typo) to obtain the ability to shoot a nuclear warhead on a longer-range missile.
In response to Kim’s latest provocation, the U.N. Security Council held an emergency meeting today in which the U.S., South Korea, and Japan vowed to punish the North.
Experts are saying Kim is doing all this in order to get some attention from the Obama administration and be taken more seriously as a world leader. I often like to say that having President Ill in power is like taking the meanest, most spoiled kid in the world and giving him his very own government for Christmas.
By all accounts, it looks like President Obama and our allies in the free world are going to either push for tougher sanctions against
North Korea or a stricter enforcement of sanctions already in place.
Not that it matters. Sanctions are unlikely to work in this case. Kim is only going to dig his heels in further and continue his quest for nuclear weapons capability, and millions of starving North Koreans will go on eating grass and tree bark. But what else can we do? Diplomacy appears to have failed and we can’t afford a war against the North Korean regime.
Might I offer a suggestion here? Word has it Dear Leader is a huge cinema buff and personally owns more movies than Blockbuster. We could pretend to be nice to him and send him a huge, air-sealed box full of chloroform and say it’s full of Elizabeth Taylor films. Once the dictator is knocked out, we’ll throw him into the back of Air Foce Once and skipetty-hop to Gitmo, where we’ll tie Bug Eyes to a chair – like that guy did to Malcolm McDowell’s character in A Clockwork Orange – and force him to watch Rob Schneider films until he promises to give up his nuclear weapons program and be a responsible leader.
I know what you’re thinking: Will this actually work, Animal? Of course it will! Trust me, by the middle of Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, the guy will agree to anything. How do you think we got Mu’ammar Qaddafi to give up his nuclear program?
However, if this plan turns out to be a failure, maybe we can let him have his warheads if he promises to kidnap Rosie O’Donnell and keep her in his country.
Sounds like a great idea to me (I enjoyed the Clockwork Orange reference). Let’s face facts; he is an opiate addicted, whore mongering, power junkie, with nuclear capabilities. This is not a very promising synergism. Constant monitoring, which I can proudly say my cousin plays an integral role in, is necessary. I don’t think he is mentally stable and his actions are testimony to that. Just what we need; another potential danger. Have you kept count PA? Get back to me with the total.
“Get back to me with the total.”
So far I have 252, and that’s just from the Democratic Party.
LOL. I am an Independent but you can classify me any way you see fit. Have a good day PA.
For speedier results, I recommend throwing in some eye torture in the form of post-2002 Adam Sandler movies.
If memory serves our last president said he believed it was God’s will that he be president. He had a huge nuclear arsenal at his disposal; he also used some pretty indiscriminate approaches to war. DU has lasting effects on the people of the nation Washington has chosen to have a war with, as do all the cluster bombs that are left behind after the war is long over. To insure our increased safety it seems like a good idea not to support terrorists and ruthless dictators. Bin Laden did not just recently become a terrorist; he was a terrorist when the god fearing Christians in Washington were supporting him in a war against the USSR. Saddam Husain did not become a ruthless dictator when he decided to invade Kuwait, Washington was lending him their support at the time he was using poisonous gas against his own population of Kurds. Washington was lending their support to Suharto in Indonesia when he was ruthlessly attacking the population of E. Timor and killed an estimated 500,000 people. When Washington has roughly 10,000 nuclear warheads it’s a bit hypocritical to suggest that they have any moral authority to tell other nations they don’t have the right to any such weapons. We hear a lot of talk about how the US is the leader of the free world. Yet we have more people in prison than any nation on earth. We also have people sitting in prison for possession of small amounts of marijuana. Just maybe its time to start cleaning up Washingtons act and lead by example. Washington uses military force to kidnap democratically elected presidents, funds terrorists, supports dictators and refuses to stop using things like cluster bombs which are notorious for killing and maiming children long after the war is over. It is our responsibility as citizens of this nation to get our leaders under control. Is N. Korea’s leader a nut job, sure, but so was Bush. Being a nut job is pretty damn common in politics; the uncommon things in politics are intellectual honesty, integrity and practicing what you preach.